You might feel that it is normal for your partner to have a very unstable mood and to treat your relationship as if it is perfect or terrible, all within the span of a few hours. However, your partner could be suffering from borderline personality disorder. This personality disorder is called "borderline" because it is considered to be very close to other mental disorders. This disorder can place a major strain on your marriage. But if you understand some of the best strategies for handling someone who has a borderline personality disorder, you may be able to save your marriage.
Know When Your Partner Isn't Being Rational
Pay attention to words that indicate that your partner has left the world of reason. If your partner frequently uses words such as "always" or "never," this indicates that your partner is no longer thinking rationally and it is unlikely that you will be able to get your partner to have a rational conversation.
Use "We" Instead Of "You"
To make your partner feel like you are not being as confrontational, you should avoid using "you" and should instead use "we." This reminds your partner that you are a team and that you are still on his or her side.
Do Not Take Everything Personally
It is common for a partner who has borderline personality disorder to imagine transgressions that you have made that have not actually occurred. For example, any important date that you forget may be perceived as a sleight. A common mistake is to self-flagellate due to the belief that you really are a terrible partner.
Be Aware Of Other Co-Occurring Conditions
Keep in mind that those who have borderline personality disorder are also more likely to have other conditions associated with personality disorder. For instance, those with borderline personality disorder are more likely to be depressed. They are also more likely to suffer from an addiction. Therefore, you should watch out for warning signs of addiction so that you can get your loved one into treatment as soon as possible.
Consider Entering Into Marriage Counseling
Marriage counseling is recommended for anyone who is struggling through a marriage. However, it is especially recommended for those who are married to someone who is suffering from borderline personality disorder. Those with borderline personality disorder tend to have unstable relationships, but that doesn't mean that it isn't possible to have a healthy, long-term relationship. Contact a marriage counselor, like Tim Robbins Counseling or another location, to learn about how they can help.